Crapsterpieces: On Deadly Ground (1994)

By Paco McCullough

It’s very easy to call Steven Seagal a talentless hack capable only of making horrible movies (I just did). However, after watching 1994’s On Deadly Ground, I’m fairly certain that Steven Seagal not only is the most intelligent man in the action movie business, he is also one of the most aware what the target audience of an action movie wants. After seeing this film, I realized my expectations for action movies are far too low.

Crapsterpieces: Hausu (House) (1977)

By Paco McCullough

Hausu(House) is easily one of the most insane movies you will ever see. This insanity covers every level of the film, from the way it was shot to the story itself. What a story it is- a group of Japanese schoolgirls, each named for their attribute (Gorgeous, Kung Fu, etc.), travel to visit one of the girl’s aunt. The aunt has lived alone for many years and is glad to have guests. Before long the girls begin disappearing or dying one by one.
Sounds pretty conventional, right? Not when someone gets eaten by a piano while a skeleton dances in the background. Not when a girl’s head is turned into a watermelon, or another gets smothered by magically appearing mattress. Not when a painting of a cat opens its mouth and sprays blood everywhere.