New On Dvd: June 28

By Jason Haskins

Barney’s Version

One of the new releases this week is indie ‘talked-about’ dramedy, Barney’s Version—quite possibly one of the most meandering and obviously ‘indie’ movies of the year. Starring Paul Giamatti and based on the novel by Mordecai Richler it’s about a man who’s recounting his past history in a bar before he became a hardened asshole. It’s sort of like a Jewish Forrest Gump, although not as fun. The romance takes over the picture completely amongst a story that’s too unoriginal for its own good—taking each of the familiar beats in stride towards a boring ending that’s trying to be deeper than it actually is. Giamatti’s performance was really the only thing I took out of it. It’s not terrible, but frightfully average and too aware of itself. Dustin Hoffman co-stars; Richard J. Lewis (K-9: P.I.) directs.

2 out of 5

Skip it.

Sucker Punch

Born out of Zack Synder’s rather limited imagination, this is his first original property. This isn’t adapted from comics or superior movies (I’m looking at you, Dawn of the Dead). In this film, he uses chicks, guns, and dragons…Nazis?... thrown in to put together a crazy stupid story amidst dazzling special effects. You follow a young girl who’s institutionalized for being whacko and how she escapes into her own little world in hopes of escaping alongside a few of her fellow crazies. The plot grows weaker as the movie continues—only held together by over-the-top visuals that are pleasing to a certain degree, but boring after a while because the whole movie is built off of them. The action isn’t too exciting and the whole tits and ass premise becomes stagnant. This seems to be a video game movie made for the ADD teenager who need cuts and special effects every second to keep their attention and it doesn’t offer anything for anyone else.

2 out of 5

Skip it.

Season of the Witch

Imagine Ridley Scott’s Kingdom of Heaven with a bunch of supernatural bullshit and you might have a good idea what Season of the Witch is. Two crusaders come back home after deserting their mission during the Black Plague and are arrested—given the opportunity of freedom if they escort this witch everyone believes to be causing the plague to a special place where hopefully the sickness will cease. The plot was interesting to a degree, but was ruined systematically by the poor dialogue and delivery of said dialogue by main actors Nicholas Cage and Ron Perlman. How shocking. Special effects and action scenes abound as it mixes history with fantasy and horror, but it falls flat on all surfaces where the CGI (poor CGI I might add) is totally overwhelming. The script and direction is bad—everything is bad. I had trouble getting through this because I kept expecting Max Von Sydow to come in any second and punch out Nicolas Cage and let us watch him play chess with Death again, which, I can assure you, is much better than this pile of shit.

1 out of 5

Burn it.

© Jason Haskins, 2011

Editors Note: Also on Dvd this week, the film Noir Classic Kiss Me Deadly. While not up to the standard of others in the genre, it is still a damn good film. Check this out instead of any of these bad films