By Tanner McCullough
Samurai Cop is a bad movie. Actually, Samurai Cop is a really bad movie. Scratch that, Samurai Cop is easily the worst movie I have ever seen. It’s like a bunch of 8th graders made up the crew and asked their parents for a few bucks to make it. The script is completely atrocious, clips are reused in such a way that they call attention to themselves, the special effects are paintballs and fireworks, etc. Perhaps most damning is the performances, which are uniformly terrible. Going back to the 8th grade theory, it’s like the kids grabbed the first people they found off the street- several members of the Japanese Katana Gang are white, and not a single member of the cast can act their way out of a plastic bag. If this movie was made by an 8th grader, it would also explain the clumsy sexy scenes, with extreme female nudity and men in speedos grinding up and down on each other for far longer than the scene requires. It is shot like someone whose only experience with sexuality came from the bootleg pornos they found in their dad’s closet. The music is laughably 80s, and could have been made by the teenagers down the street.
I absolutely loved this movie. For years I have been searching for the worst movie ever made, only to be distracted by false prophets such as The Room and Birdemic. There has never been a movie that made me laugh more than this steamy piece of shit. Everyone in the audience at the screening I went to had a great time, and I’m sure an element of the fun came from yelling at the screen together. Unfortunately, there’s only so long the worst movie ever can be entertaining, then it’s just kind of a boring movie. But by the time the final shootout rolls around, it has somehow found a way to be bad all over again. There’s no way you should miss this one if and when it comes to your town.
See, Samurai Cop is so bad that it has never been released on DVD. Nobody knows where the director went (my theory- he wanted to forget about it once he got into high school) and I’m not sure who owns the rights to this film. This had led to screenings of VHS copies, as film prints are incredibly rare also. Because of all this, the only places to see the film are your local theaters. So if you see it listed, you owe it to yourself to go. I can promise you that there is no way you’ll ever see a movie this bad again.
I absolutely loved this movie. For years I have been searching for the worst movie ever made, only to be distracted by false prophets such as The Room and Birdemic. There has never been a movie that made me laugh more than this steamy piece of shit. Everyone in the audience at the screening I went to had a great time, and I’m sure an element of the fun came from yelling at the screen together. Unfortunately, there’s only so long the worst movie ever can be entertaining, then it’s just kind of a boring movie. But by the time the final shootout rolls around, it has somehow found a way to be bad all over again. There’s no way you should miss this one if and when it comes to your town.
See, Samurai Cop is so bad that it has never been released on DVD. Nobody knows where the director went (my theory- he wanted to forget about it once he got into high school) and I’m not sure who owns the rights to this film. This had led to screenings of VHS copies, as film prints are incredibly rare also. Because of all this, the only places to see the film are your local theaters. So if you see it listed, you owe it to yourself to go. I can promise you that there is no way you’ll ever see a movie this bad again.
Critical Score: An unprecedented 0 out of 5
Crapsterpiece Score: 4.5 out of 5
© Tanner McCullough, 2011
Crapsterpiece Score: 4.5 out of 5
© Tanner McCullough, 2011
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