4 Action Stars Worse Than Chris Evans

Like many of you, I was skeptical of Chris Evans being cast as Captain America. However, as my review states, I was pleasantly surprised. In honor of his success I would like to name four tentpole action stars that are actually worse than Chris Evans.

#4

Steven Seagal

Seagal gets the lowest ranking on my list because I still have respect for the man- he is 7th Dan in aikido, a martial art I have been training in for some time. I have no idea of ever reaching that point (it generally takes decades). However, Seagal has easily made some of the worst movies I have ever seen. While in his early films he still was concerned about how the action was choreographed, now he simply doesn’t seem to care. More evident, he doesn’t seem to have ever cared about character development, story, or acting ability. These days he has become a major joke between Steven Seagal Lawman and the whole sex slave scandal.

#3

Vin Diesel

I can’t hate too hard on somebody that had their D&D character’s name tattooed on their body, but at the same time Diesel is responsible for some of the worst action movies of the last decade. Between XXX and The Fast and Furious franchises, he’s made several quick bucks off of strings of lousy films. I am hard pressed to come up with a single worthwhile Diesel film (Pitch Black doesn’t count because his role isn’t significant enough).

#2

Chuck Norris

How does a man go from respected martial artist to laughing stock of the entire internet? I think it occurred sometime between co-starring with Bruce Lee and starring in the horrible tv show Walker, Texas Ranger. His frequent contributions to Fox News certainly contribute to making him the butt of even more internet jokes. I believe that he is a talented man who simply lost his way early on and was never able to recover. Think about it- after Way of the Dragon, can you think of a good thing that Norris has been in? Me either.

#1

Jean Claude Van Damme

The muscles from Brussels has never starred in a movie I have enjoyed unironically. I suppose Universal Soldier was almost watchable. His other major film, Bloodsport, is complete trash to anyone over the age of 12. Not only is the majority of the film filler, but he never uses any of the techniques shown at the beginning of the film (though musclebuilding exercises from bending the two trees eventually become important). Beyond the individual films, think about what action stars are known for: Tony Jaa- flying elbows and knees. Bruce Lee- Nunchucks and a bad attitude. Jackie Chan- Crazy stunts and watchable Kung Fu. Van Damme- The goddamn splits. The martial element of this technique is so negligible as to make me wonder why all his opponents fall for it. The only thing Van Damme’s movies hurt more than my brain is my inner thighs.

© Tanner McCullough, 2011