Wes Craven used to be a name synonymous with mainstream American horror. Throughout the eighties and nineties he created some masterpieces, such as his enormously successful A Nightmare on Elm Street and 1991's awesome The People Under the Stairs. However, he was also responsible for one of the most atrocious horror films of all time.
This movie is Vampire in Brooklyn. I'm sure those of us who grew up or lived in the video store age must've seen the box cover at some point during our browsing...yet never gave it a shot. I don't blame you--Eddie Murphy as a vampire with a mullet wasn't something I would welcome into my home. That changed recently as I decided to face my demons and see just how bad this movie was.
Eddie Murphy is a vampire from the Caribbean who is the only surviving member of his race. He leaves the island in hopes of finding a mate so that vampires can flourish again and he finds that person--that woman--in Brooklyn. She ends up being a cop named Rita. He spins his webs to entangle her into romance, but she happens to be a half vampire already. And her partner is the only one who can watch after her after she's been glamoured. What follows is a romantic comedy/horror movie that will literally make your eyes bleed.
It's long been chronicled that Eddie Murphy was trying to make a comedic film while Wes Craven was trying to make a horror. Let's have that sink into you. Not only is this movie so frightening in its lack of suspense, excitement, and HORROR--it's a movie with a curious case of awkwardness that gets worse and worse as it continues. There's a definitely identity crisis during the movie where it tries to be two things at once--a comedy or a horror--and only succeeds in baffling the audience. There is some gore and violence...but it's overshadowed by how stupid everything looks. The cinematography is sloppy and the budget was clearly cut in favor of appeasing Eddie Murphy's ego. That said, the gore (which I heard was pretty good) wasn't impressive at all and stuck out as being ridiculous.
The acting is all B-movie like with Murphy taking the cake as one of the worst. His accent is so tiresome and loose as well as his complete devotion to the character that it makes things so uncomfortable. It's like watching someone tell a terrible joke when they think it's extremely funny and no one else does. Angela Bassett, who I literally love, is utterly wasted here and I can't help but think she took this movie for the check as her heart isn't in it whatsoever. And wouldn't you know it, John Witherspoon has a small role, but he gets very old after a while (which is something I can say for a large bulk of his work).
Vampire in Brooklyn suffers from a plot devoid of any sense of genre, plausibility (even in these circumstances), and charm. There's virtually nothing to like about this movie. While it attempts to create these subplots via some peripheral characters and a strong female component with Bassett...it ultimately shoots itself in the foot as nothing goes anywhere and you'll find yourself bored out of your wits. The film isn't scary (in one sense of the word) and on the other side of things...it is so pathetically unfunny that I was cringing at certain moments. Sometimes films like these can be quite humorous because of how bad they are, but there were no redeeming qualities about this viewing.
Even Craven himself hates this movie and I don't blame him. This was the year 1995--a mere year before Scream would be released and redefine all of what 90s slasher horror was. While Craven has some terrible movies on his resume anyway, this one stands out as being his distinct clunker. There's no wonder more people didn't go out to see this in droves and why so many people dislike it. There might be some curiosity on your part to see how bad this flick truly is, but I'd say avoid it. I've told you this spoonful tastes like dung, do you really want to try it yourself in order to concur? Check out the box art and call me in the morning instead telling me how you have evaded a bad taste in your mouth--I can't do the same.
0 out of 5 stars
© Jason Haskins, 2011
I bet you heard that Eddie Murphy is now going to be the voice of Hong-Kong Phooey?
ReplyDeleteGreat, he's a martial arts dog now. Can we just take him out for good?