New Releases: August 16th

By Paco McCullough

This week was a very disappointing crop of films, including one from a legendary filmmaker. Pick these up at your own risk.

THE WARD

John Carpenter's THE WARD is one of the biggest disappointments of the last few years. Part of me was excited that the man who made THE THING, THEY LIVE, and HALLOWEEN was returning to filmmaking. Then I saw the movie. It is no exaggeration to say that this film is worse than a lot of the bland horror that always seems to come out around halloween. The plot involves a ghost slowly (Oh so slowly- it takes half the movie for it to do anything) killing off girls in a psychiatric hospital. Most of the film is empty hallways and emptier conversations. The writers, Michael and Shawn Rasmussen, have written some of the blandest characters I have seen in years, which makes those conversations all the worse. There was one scene I enjoyed halfway through the film, but it lasted less than a minute. I was actually surprised by the twist ending, partly because it was blatantly stolen from an older movie, and partly because it was so damn stupid. For the love of God, watch ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK or one of Carpenter's other classics and erase this film from your mind.
  

1 out of 5

PRIEST

PRIEST knows what it is- a brainless action flick. In other words, it's a typical Hollywood film. The plot involves a vampire hunting priest and his quest to rescue a family member whilst killing vampires. The early moments of the film are easily the best part. A well made animated sequence educates the viewer on the backstory of the society, after which we are introduced to an interesting dystopic society. Unfortunately, once the priest leaves the city, the movie goes downhill. Everything is bland and dead in a Steampunk hellscpe. The fighting is heavily CGI'd and boring. A lot of dialogue is atrocious, and every scene where characters talk to each other is just boring. If you are looking for a brainless action movie, you could do worse, but you could also do a hell of a lot better.

2.5 out of 5 stars

 JANE EYRE

I didn't screen this, but I loved Cary Fukunaga's SIN NOMBRE. The critics loved this, but I elected not to watch a movie based on Victorian Lit. If that's your thing, you'll probably dig this.

THE CONSPIRATOR

Didn't get to see this. Courtroom drama about Abraham Lincoln's assassination. It's directed by Robert Redford. Not much else to say.

SOMETHING BORROWED

No.... Just no.