By Jason Haskins
I always considered Ghost Rider to be a B-list superhero. Not as popular as Spider-Man in the Marvel Universe, but more popular than say...Black Panther. It was no shocker when this movie came out in 2007 as Nicholas Cage lobbied for years to get it made. It never really left the ground until the superhero genre went crazy in the early 2000s. Everyone and their brother (even the Fantastic Four) got their own movie(s). Me? I had collected some Ghost Rider issues, but I wouldn't call myself a big fan. I considered him more of a cool supporting character that would help other characters fight crime. I had really dug some of his darker stuff from the early nineties, but I didn't really have an interest in the movie.
It took me three attempts over four years to try to finish Ghost Rider and now that I have I can't really say I'm surprised by the conclusion I've come to: it's a terrible movie. From start to finish you wonder where this flick went wrong and who was to be blame. Perhaps if it had been made ten years ago it would have been better. Meh, the technology wouldn't have been very good. Okay, okay--so why does this suck so hard? I can't really put my finger on just one item. I detest it in most ways someone can--not because I wasn't a huge fan of the comic, but because it was such a poorly made movie. Let me count the ways and perhaps you'll see why to avoid this next time you want to see a superhero movie.
Johnny Blaze is a stunt motorcyclist with his father who makes a deal with the devil to save his father from cancer. When things go wrong and his father dies anyway, his soul belongs to Mephistopheles, who uses Johnny for his own bidding whenever he sees fit. Years later, Blaze is grown up and a celebrity, providing mass entertainment performing crazy stunts and never getting injured. Mephistopheles decides to cash in on his investment when his demonic son, Blackheart, becomes hell-bent on invading earth and stealing souls. Of course, the only person who can defeat him is Ghost Rider, whom Blaze becomes when the moonlight hits--when his flesh burns away and he becomes a fiery-skull-leather-jacket-wearing harbinger of vengeance. Now, Blaze must wrestle with this new responsibility and try to win back his childhood lover who's come back into his life as a news reporter.
Vomit, vomit, vomit. The script is easily the worst part. I don't even know where to begin, folks. First of all, it takes about forty minutes for the movie to become somewhat interesting- before that we have a slow crawl of a narrative that teeters between boring and lifeless with short bursts of dim humor. The plot itself is uninspired and so poorly conceived that I wondered how this got greenlit.
With so many possibilities to jumpstart a new comic franchise to the big screen why would they waste it on such a meaningless story that doesn't create any tension, suitable villains, or a hero that we actually care about? The script is so uneven and flawed that by the end of the movie I was in shock by how much of a waste of time this almost two hour flop was. By the way: the pace is a slow crawl without much going on for the first half of the movie. When things do start to occur you realize how boring those events are. It's safe to say that you've seen this movie a hundred times already in many different forms as it offers nothing original and fits right into the superhero template.
If it wasn't enough that the plot was boring and without merit, I had to sit through the cheesiness at every turn. It was as if they were trying to make a serious movie, but couldn't because of the sheer stupidity of the script. There were so many times throughout the movie that I laughed at how hammed up the performances were over the terrible dialogue and lazy character designs. Nothing worked here because they tried too many different things at once--mixing corny humor with too-straight drama and a mediocre superhero formula. It works for a couple of comic properties, but didn't here because it wasn't in the hands of a capable filmmaker. The ending itself comes too soon and you realize that the movie didn't really go anywhere...and that you've wasted your time.
Okay, so I'm in the minority who enjoyed Mark Steven Johnson's 2003 Daredevil movie (the Director's Cut, mind you), but I cannot possibly endorse this crapfest. He was completely over his head in this with a script that he wrote himself and couldn't possibly direct. It's safe to say that he doesn't know how to lead actors in the right direction, but beyond this he can't even excite the audience. The movie lacks action and when I say that I mean that whatever action this dismal movie has is overwhelmed by the CGI. Ghost Rider HAD to have CGI because of the character being covered in fire the whole time, but there was very few times that there were any "exciting" bits of comic delight.
However, I do need to say that some of the CGI was pretty cool. Sure, they were obvious and weren't utilized extremely well, but they looked pretty cool in an artistic way. Some of the special effects were actually quite decent and didn't bother me a whole lot, but it could've been one of those things where they distracted me from examining how crappy the movie was.
A majority of the time we had the Ghost Rider walking around in flames. The bad guys that he does run into offer no fight and the easiness of their takedowns adds to the complete and utter failure of Johnson's filmmaking. There's no real enthusiasm here and I found myself feeling humdrum. There's also the point about the disgusting music in this movie, which completely caught me off guard with its ridiculousness of metal/country. I would've rather they played The Devil Went Down To Georgia in the Chipmunks voice the whole movie than that pathetic garble they called a soundtrack.
Nicholas Cage has always wanted to do a Ghost Rider picture--I remember hearing about this years and years ago, but nothing ever went anywhere with it. I figured that because he was such a huge fan of the comics that he would give his seal of approval before he committed to the project. I was mistaken. I feel like if this had been made ten years ago he would've fit the part. Then again, the technological logistics wouldn't have worked out (the special effects would have been a disaster). He seems to look too old for the part even with his hair job and heavy make-up. I realized that he took this job so that he could finally just make the picture before it got much too late regardless of the script. His performance is lacking. Like the lot of actors involved with this project, he appears bored.
Even more than that: it looks as if he's disappointed in himself for sinking so low to ruin a character he loved so much. He's flat and tedious to watch without providing any emotional content or excitement. He spews terrible line after terrible line and the director didn't have the coherency to manage the cast whatsoever. Eva Mendes co-stars as Blaze's love interest, but she does virtually nothing in this movie except provide eye candy for the masses of male viewers. Sam Elliott has a small role as the Caretaker, but pretty much rips his performance from The Big Lebowski.
Wouldn't you know it, but Peter Fonda plays Mephistopheles and he looks embarrassed to be part of this production and his piece clearly suffers from dry lines and a character that was poorly used. Wes Bentley, who hasn't made a decent movie since American Beauty, rounded out the cast as the worst performer. His overacting and terrible delivery did nothing but cement the fact that he's a hack with zero talent. There were so many times I cringed at his lines and he easily made this movie more awful than it needed to be.
I wanted to like this--I really did. The third time was the charm: I finished it and I definitely realized why it took me so long. I'm not a big fan of the low tiers of comic book films (Fantastic Four, Elektra, etc.) because they don't excite me. This character could've been very exciting given the right script. The whole theme of vengeance and flames and Faustian myth could've been done in a great way that would've stood apart from other comic movies. However, this one will go down as one of the worst comic movies because of the simple fact that it had a weak script along with everything other imaginable problem under the sun.
Its potential is vast and I really wish I could've seen this under the watchful eye of a capable filmmaker. I would list that as a good thing because if you ever see this movie you should think about how good it could've been. Its possibilities are endless yet its praiseworthy attributes are negligible. The reason I wanted to revisit this was because earlier this week it was announced that Neveldine/Taylor, the boys responsible for Gamer and the Crank movies, were in negotiations to direct the Ghost Rider sequel. I think that in their hands this could be a viable property and perhaps next time this will be darker, cooler, and better. Because right now, I just want to wash this out of my collective memory. It will go down as utter crap in the annals of comic book moviedom with gibberish for a script and awful performance all round.
1 out of 5 stars
© Jason Haskins 2011
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